A lot of people talk about Ted Lasso. The Bar-b-que Sauce scene, Roy Kent and his niece, Keeley’s journey, Rebecca learning to let go of her anger. And I know that the scene in the linked video is also often talked about, but I’m going to do it anyway.
First though, I’m going to talk about something else. There’s a children’s cartoon called Caillou, and a lot of parents really dislike it. Caillou is four years old and, well, acts like a four year old. Often adults disparage the show, because they view Caillou’s parents as being too permissive and spoil Caillou.
I have long held that the real reason parents don’t like Caillou is because Caillou’s Mommy and Daddy are, almost to a fault, perfect. We don’t get to see much of their lives outside of parenting, of course, so I have no idea if Caillou’s mom is smoking meth in the basement to destress, or if Caillou’s dad dreams of dark violence in the night — all we get is them generally being patient, kind, understanding, and helpful.
Caillou’s parents are the parents we want to be, but most of us never achieve it, and it’s easier to call them overly permissive rather than examine ourselves and where we’re falling down on our promises to our families and ourselves.
That’s Ted. Now, we do get to see Ted fail over the course of the show, so it’s not a perfect analogy, but Ted is to Nate as Caillou’s parents are to Caillou. “I hope that either all of us, or none of us, are judged by the actions of our weakest moments. But rather, by the strength we show when, and if, we’re ever given a second chance.”
I am not Ted. Not even close. I’m Beard, realizing that the judgement I’m (Beard) throwing on Nate is the same judgement that Ted could have faced me (Beard) with, instead of the empathic, kind curiosity that I (Beard) got and that Nate is getting right now. I feel in my bones every iota of the “FUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKK” that Beard groans. I have 100% done that before, and likely will again. I have, less often, followed through with a direct, in person conversation, because those are even more difficult, and like I said, I’m not Ted.
There’s a presentation or paper, I expect, to be written about how Ted and Beard both, together, have the abilities needed to be a great manager, or an awful one. Maybe someday. But right now, I’m just gonna try to keep remembering to treasure curiosity over judgement, and to give people second chances.